Progressive Hockey Discourse is Discrediting the Movement

This off-season, the progressive hockey community has done some serious misbehaving, and it’s discrediting the movement as a whole. Since no one will address it, I will do so. First off: yes, public figures deserve privacy. Filming or taking photos of them and putting them on social media without permission (when they’re not playing in a game or at a practice, etc.) is bad, actually. Public figures don’t exist for you to get clout off of. They’re actual human beings who deserve as much privacy as you do. If you’re about to tell me that you’d do this to anyone, you’re a terrible human being. Yes, you should get permission before posting pictures and photos online of people. The only exception I’ll make is when done in an act of self-defense, like cop brutality or some racist Karen plotting to frame a black person or something on those lines. Once again, it should only be done to defend someone who is a victim. That’s the only exception I find acceptable. Otherwise, get permission. Unfortunately, many, especially younger people who grew up with smartphones, refuse to live by this. This belief that no one should have privacy that many young people have is actively harmful, and it’s illustrated beautifully in a recent TikTok scandal where two NHL players were filmed being gay with each other. I will go into no further detail because frankly, no one should’ve known about this in the first place. I will go as far as to say that you shouldn’t ask for more detail or try to look it up. It is not for you or anyone to know. Filming and posting this was a vile act of clout seeking. Those who shared it are not innocent either. Just because someone posts something on the internet doesn’t mean it’s worth sharing, even if it’s of public figures. People who shared that image deserve scorn as well because they have demonstrated that they also do not believe that people deserve privacy and that clout-seeking is all that matters and should be rewarded.

But, furthermore, this also shows another problem: too many think outing people as gay is ok. Now, many of the people defending this video and often gladly sharing it will not say this. In fact, a large number are even denying that they’re gay, claiming that the players are straight. I’m sorry, but straight men do not do to each other what was shown in the video. It simply does not happen between straight men. You’re trying to assuage your guilty conscience. No one is fooled by this argument. You don’t even believe it. Others, though, are defending it by basically taking the “it’s not that deep” route and that queers should “live and have fun more”. Yes, it is that deep, actually. Privacy, especially in this age of surveillance, where we’re always being surveilled and everything we say and do is forever in the cloud in some FBI or other countries’ equivalent to the FBI storage. That, and the public online memory. I would argue that privacy has never mattered more than it does now. Climate change, declining material conditions due to Capitalism, and privacy are the most important issues of our age. You publicly helped out people because you fundamentally don’t believe they have the right to privacy. That, and you have no respect for others. You’re self-centered. The most horrifying thing I’ve seen is other queers defending this. I’m sorry, but I truly cannot and do not want to understand the thought process and mindset of a queer who thinks outing someone is ok.

Now, I want to circle back to something I said earlier. The first argument some have made in defending this TikTok is that they’re straight and therefore it’s ok. This is a problematic answer and not just because they’re just trying to make themselves feel better. It’s denying that queer players exist in the NHL. I can say that as a blanket statement because this isn’t the first time. All the previous times fans started sharing stuff of players who clearly are queer, a large portion of those sharing and discussing the stuff always say, “It’s ok, they’re straight”. For these people, there’s never a situation, no matter how obviously queer the player is, that makes it acceptable to say they’re queer. In fact, these people will accuse you of “RPF”, and they do mean it in a negative sense. Pointing out a player is queer when there’s evidence of it is now “RPF” because all players are straight. Even if they don’t straight out say it (and many do), it’s the implication. Now, I don’t like the idea of accusing players of being queer, even when they clearly are. I’m not interested in outing them or trying to force them to come out. That’s one of the reasons I’m not naming names. What I am doing here is exposing how bad the logic is of these fans. Mind you, they always claim that these players must be straight for two reasons:

1. They genuinely believe that the NHL is just a home for boring, straight white boys.

2. They’re trying to assuage their conscience for helping further a discussion on someone’s sexuality.

So, for point two, I just point back to what I said earlier about people trying to assuage their guilty conscience with obviously poor arguments. For point one, however, I will address that here. The idea that the NHL is just a home for boring, straight white boys is blatantly false. It could not be further from the truth. The NHL is VERY gay. In fact, I will go as far as to say that it’s more gay than the PWHL. I know I’ll receive blowback for saying that, but it’s the truth, and I have very, very, reliable sources for this. No, I will not be naming names; you’re just going to have to trust me on this. The NHL is full of queers, especially gay men. So, yes, you probably are outing a player when you see something, even if they posted it, and start speculating on whether they’re queer because it seems “not straight”. Many former NHL players are in secret gay relationships right now, and there are current NHL players in secret gay relationships. Some are even in secret queer polyamorous relationships. Yes, including current NHL players. But the problem is, the pressure to be straight in the NHL would make you think you’re living several decades ago. They cannot come out. Ever. When you discuss a player’s sexuality publicly, they might be forced to end their relationship and sometimes, even get into a straight one just for appearances. You are actively harming someone’s life. This online discourse is NOT harmless. I know this for a fact. People have told me this directly. So yes, if you actually care about queer liberation, keep your opinions and thoughts on a player’s sexuality to yourself and do not post videos or pictures of players without permission. Harm is done when you do otherwise. Too many of you think what you say online is harmless and that people in the hockey world aren’t reading and watching what you say. I promise you, they do cause harm, and people do watch and read what you’re saying. People in the hockey world are often very clued in to what’s being said online, even if they pretend otherwise. That said, even if they themselves aren’t on social media or check it all that often, they have teammates, family, and friends who do, and they do tell them what’s being said. I know that I struggle with it myself, and I have been working on myself to get better at it, but you should assume that everything you say about hockey online is going to be seen by someone in the hockey world. Once again, I need to do better about this myself. Too many of you, though, act as if you’re posting into the void. Yes, even your silly little account with eight teams in the bio and some player as your avatar, and you just post silly little memes or jokes, you’re being read. If you’re a writer or big-name influencer, you really need to keep this in mind. Even back a few years ago, when I only had about 4 people reading my articles and 80 followers on Twitter, I had players’ agents reaching out to me over things I tweeted or wrote. Now, I know for a fact coaches and players know of me, and I have contact with some in the hockey world, but mostly those who have left hockey (that, and people who are related or are in relationships with ex-hockey folk). What you say matters greatly, and not just because you may hurt feelings. No, it can cause actual harm in people’s lives. That, or on the bright side, make someone’s day, or feel emboldened. Once again, I need to do better myself, but watch what you say. So this part is partially me calling myself out; it’s not just me calling you out. Remember, back when I had only 80 or so followers on Twitter and had 4 readers, agents knew of me. Someone in hockey likely knows who you are.

To expand on that: queer hockey players, whether current or former, see what the progressive hockey fandom says. Whether you realize it or not, whether it’s fair or not, if you’re queer or an ally who’s vocal in support of queer liberation, you’re representing queer players. Post on social media with that in mind.

For a while now, discourse surrounding sexual assault in progressive hockey circles has bothered me. I wasn’t able to put my finger on why, though, until just over a week ago, when talking to someone I deeply respect. We were discussing how sexual assault gets discussed in progressive hockey circles when he brought up the problem with it: it’s too female-centric. I know what I just said are fighting words, so allow me to explain. In progressive hockey discourse on sexual assault, women are always centered, whether a woman was a victim or not. Look at the Kyle Beach assault, for example. There is no evidence that any women were victims, but we do know of two men. That being said, when Joel Quenneville was hired by Anaheim, what was the discourse? It was all about how horrible the hiring was for women. The thing is, though, women were never impacted by the inaction of those in the Blackhawk organization. It was men. Why are women coming into this when it was men who were victims? Women being unsafe by having Quenneville is a made-up issue. It doesn’t exist. Meanwhile, the men playing under him being potentially unsafe is an actual issue, but no one brings that up. Somehow, an assault with male victims was twisted into being about women. This is not okay.

Now, I want to make clear: I am not belittling women who were rape victims. What I’m saying is, no one benefits from focusing solely on women, or inserting them in discussions they don’t belong in, when it comes to sexual assault. Sexual assault happens to both men and women, but if you were to listen to progressive hockey fans, you’d think only women were affected by it. There’s a time and place to discuss female victims of sexual assault, like the 2018 Canadian World Junior Championship team. It doesn’t belong in a situation where men were the victims, like in the Blackhawks case. Give male sexual assault victims the attention they need. If someone were to take the 2018 Canada WJC team case and talk about how horrible the ruling is for male victims, they’d be considered to be in the wrong. It should be the same for when it happens the opposite way.

Sexual assault is a serious problem. Unfortunately, it’s not being taken seriously, even by progressives who love to claim that they’re taking it seriously. The thing is, in men’s hockey, the vast majority of the victims of rape are...men. In my time covering hockey, I’ve covered a good handful of sexual assault stories and heard about even more. Very few of them had women as victims. The reality is, most of the rape that happens in male hockey is males raping other males. A horrifying number of the stories I know of are of coaches of underage boys raping or encouraging the rape of underage boys. Many of these victims are gay. Raping players who seem gay or are gay is very common in hockey. It’s often seen as a “corrective” measure. Stuff like this, plus progressive hockey fans refusing to care about male victims, is a big reason why gay male hockey players don’t come out. They’ll be raped, and no one will care. Not even so-called progressives. Even if they did come out and tell people what happened, it would damage their careers. There are only incentives to remain quietly gay, and even if you’re not gay, show no weakness, and never discuss your sexual assault. The hockey world doesn’t care, hockey fandom doesn’t care, the legal system doesn’t care, and society as a whole doesn’t care.

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